To Tell the Truth

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"To Tell the Truth"
Season 1, Episode #8 (#8) in series (95 episodes)
After he drops dead from a heart attack in the store, the McConnell's are staggered when their appalling landlord Arnold Wanker (Logan Ramsey) is risen from the dead by Mork. The Orkan having heard them lying to his Widow about what a wonderful man he was, believing everything they're saying, in "To Tell the Truth" (ep.#8).
"Mork & Mindy" episode
Guest Star(s):	Logan Ramsey Fay DeWitt Jeremy West Stu Silver
Network:	ABC-TV
Production code:	108 (1-8)
Writer(s)	April Kelly
Director	Joel Zwick
Original airdate	November 2, 1978
IMDB	To Tell the Truth
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List of Mork & Mindy seasons/episodes

To Tell the Truth was the eighth episode in Season 1 of Mork and Mindy, and also, the eighth series episode overall. Written by April Kelly, the episode, which was directed by Joel Zwick, debuted on ABC-TV on November 2, 1978.

Synopsis

After playing a practical joke / "Splinking" her, about the weather for that day, Mindy returns home soaked to the bone, and irritatedly instructs Mork that he should never tell lies. Meanwhile, the McConnell's are trying to deal with their nasty, avaricious landlord, Arnold Wanker, who has dug up the path outside the shop, and turned off their heat all to try to get Fred to break the lease on the Music Store so he can re-rent it for twice the price. His attitude so bad, that Mindy loses her temper and tells him exactly what she thinks of him.. .after which he drops dead. Leaving them trying to console his grieving widow who had been waiting outside in the car.

Plot

To Tell The Truth - TV Guide Ad - November 1978

Mork descends from his room in the Apartment meeting Mindy who's heading out to the Music Store, putting on her raincoat, prepping for bad weather later that day according to the forecast. Responding to his suggestion that it might be better to go out naked, with the caveat that she never knows when she might have to demonstrate the accordion, Mork tells her she doesn't have to worry either way as it's not actually going to rain. He knows this, because Orkans are very sensitive to the positive and negative ion ratio in the air. According to his senses today is set to be sunny and clear. When she checks if he's sure he tells her the ion ratio would not lie to her. Takin his word for it, she takes off the raincoat, and he heads out with her to the store as he wants to further observe the 'leader of the dogs', the fire hydrant outside that they all salute.

In the Music Store, Cora is wearing her overcoat, and with heavy drilling going on outside, a pair of earmuffs, as she's sorting through the albums. Mork and Mindy having to edge along the front of the store due to the digging, leads Mindy to call to to her grandmother, asking why they're tearing up the concrete. With her earmuffs on and singing to herself, Cora can't hear her however, despite multiple attempts by Mindy. Bravely going to save her, Mork attacks her ear muffs, pulling them off and stomping on them, promising Cora they'll never harm her again. Amused, she thanks him but figures she'll need them again because of the 'jackhammer concerto' going on outside. The hole outside is now so big you need to be a 'Broad jumper' to get into it. Mindy also notes how cold it is in the store, then suspicious, asks if this is another ploy by their 'rotten' landlord Arnold Wanker to break the lease. Before they can discuss it further, Eugene arrives for his violin lesson, and after he and Mork share their greeting, is hopeful its so cold in the store he can get away without having the lesson. But Cora has him coming and going and ushers him into the back to start his practice. As they go, Fred arrives in and he and Mork share an awkward greeting before Mork makes himself scarce, Mindy noting that it looks like Wanker is up to his usual tricks, with a ten foot hole now outside their store. He doesn't' seem to understand, she says that they have 2 more years on their lease. Fred tells Mindy that she doesn't seem to understand that if he can kick them out, Wanker can lease the space to the restaurant next door and double the rent. As Mork discovers the joys of headphones, Mindy smilingly wonders why her father is wearing a rain coat? Because the forecast says it's to rain, Fred responds, but smugly she asks can't he feel the ion ratio?

Judging from that that she's been listening to 'Trash Gordon' again. His name is Mork, she reminds him and he's capable of understanding things they aren't. Her point is somewhat undermined however when Fred sees Mork is listening and dancing to a sound effects record. Turning it off, the two of them circle each other again, Mork taking refuge behind Mindy. It's only then that Fred notices how cold it is. Arnold Wanker, Mindy replies, commenting that this has to be the dirtiest trick the guy has ever played. No, Fred counters, the dirtiest was when they were in 6th Grade together, coming out to the baseball field and giving them all the free lemonade they could drink. Then they found out he'd padlocked the bathroom and it cost Fred two weeks allowance to buy the key from him. Confused by their laughter, Mork decides its time for him to go off on his latest project, watching how pigeons train old people to feed them, and will meet Mindy for lunch. When Cora emerges, with Eugene on 'automatic pilot', Mindy comments how Fred was just telling her what a rotten kid Arnold Wanker was. Cora nods recalling how when he was 5 he blackmailed her for all her babysitting money. When a grinning Fred asks her if he caught her necking on the couch with her boyfriend, Cora notes that would have only cost her half the money, leading an impressed and smirking Mindy to wonder just what her grandmother was up to.

Later the rain is pouring down, with thunder sounding overhead, Mork is in the apartment prepping lunch for him and Mindy, putting a slice of bread between two slices of Baloney. The kettle going off sends him into a mini panic in the delusion he's under attack until figuring out what it was. As he turns it off the thunder rolls again and Mindy enters, soaked to the bone, a sodden newspaper over her head, wanting to speak to him about his ion ratio. 'You fell for it!' he laughs, Mindy pulling off her newspaper in shock, realizing he did it on purpose. He was 'splinking' he tells her, when she wants to know why he sent her out knowing it was going to rain? Something that isn't true, a practical joke. Mindy reacts with annoyance, telling him he may call it splinking but humans call it lying and it's 'not acceptable behavior', and tells him he has to star acting more human. But he was, he asserts, saying that he was watching a Laurel & Hardy movie, where Laurel splinked Hardy. Mindy tries to explain that Laurel & Hardy aren't human...or rather they were human...but gives up demanding that he promise her he wont' do anymore lying *or* splinking. He didn't think she'd mind getting wet he tells her, but she tells him she's soaked and she hates getting wet...before storming off to take a shower. When he tries to make amends by offering her the sandwich he made for her 'untouched by human hands', she glares at him and slams the door.

The next day at the store, Mindy is in the midst of selling a customer a Fleetwood Mac album, when Arnold Wanker storms in wanting to speak to Fred. Telling him she's with a customer, Wanker grabs the album tells the guy he can get it for nearly a dollar cheaper down the street at another music store and virtually throws him out, Mindy calling after him that there is no music store down the street. As he smugly hands Mindy back the album, Mindy starts to tell him what she thinks of him only for Fred to intervene telling him how good it is to see him. Something not reciprocated by Wanker who admits he's tried everything short of tear gas to get them out. A horn blares and Wanker tells him its his wife, waiting to drive him to a foreclosure that afternoon. He reminds them their rent is due Friday, Fred assuring him he'll have the payment. Despite, Mindy adds acerbically, his digging up their pavement and turning off their heat. 'I thought you wanted a rent freeze?' Wanker cackles maniacally. When Wanker wants to know where the phone is, Mindy tells him she knows where she'd like it to be...but Fred directs him to it, warning Mindy she'll get their lights cut off as well as their heat. But Mindy's hackles are up, and feels he wants telling off, that he's been getting away with this kind of stuff for years, and Fred literally has to hold her back, wanting to know does it have to be now?! As they listen Wanker speaks to a Mr Chambers saying he's sick and tired of having this conversation with him, he wants a guy evicted immediately, and so what if he's 90 years old. Mindy looks at her father meaningfully at that, before the horn blares again, and Wanker. red faced, yells at his wife calling her an 'old bat' and saying that everyone is too impatient these days. The final straw for Mindy, she ignores her father's attempts to stop her, and goes to tell him off, as he stands back to them behind the counter on the phone. Berating him for what he's doing, evicting, screaming and being nasty to people, she pokes him on the back to get his attention only for him to crumple to the ground behind the counter, sending Mindy and Fred scurrying back in shock. Rushing around Fred dips down to check on him, and looks back up at Mindy telling her, he thinks he's dead, Mindy cringing.

A short while later in the store, Mindy and Cora are siting with Annie Wanker, Arnold's now window, trying to comfort her as she weeps over him, a guilt ridden Mindy listening as she bemoans her husband's last words to her were 'Wait here!' Retreating back to her father, Fred points out he did bring it on himself, but they feel guilty at his having died in the store. As the paramedics emerge from the back room, they confirm he's gone and there's nothing to be done for him. Fred thanks them and goes to call the mortuary to come collect the body, and as the paramedics leave, Mork arrives, and jokes with Mindy that his experiment with the pigeons worked they agreed to everything he said, and moves his head like a pigeon. When she just stares at him blankly, he tells her cheer up she looks like someone died. Before she can react he heads towards the weeping Mrs Wanker, wanting to know who 'the grouch' is? Mindy irritated, reminds him to act like a human being, so observing Annie Wanker, he wails. Fred returning, hushes him telling him Mrs Wanker just lost her husband, Mork philosophical that he'll turn up, until Mindy clarifies sharply that he died.

'Embarrassment! Genuine Look of Grief' Mork pronounces, taking up a hangdog position behind Mindy who sitting beside Mrs Wanker is left in an awkward position when Annie asserts to her that her husband had been a wonderful man. Trying to get out of lying Mindy says she didn't know him all that well. But Fred says he knew him very well, and Mork listens as Fred, Mindy and Cora in order to comfort his widow start putting spins on the tales they'd been telling of what a devious manipulative kid Arnold had been, his lemonade giving now an act of generosity, his spying on and blackmailing of Cora now relayed as 'what a bright observant little boy he was', and by the end of the conversation he's been converted from a parsimonious immoral nasty old Scrooge, to a a veritable Angel of a man. Literally, Cora observes, which sets Annie off on another crying Jag. Quickly trying to assure her that her grandmother simply meant that someone as good, and loved as Arnold was must surely have found a heavenly place for himself. When Annie thanks her and asserts Mindy really cared about him, Mindy sidesteps again quickly saying that she her father and grandmother all felt exactly the same about him. Fred observes to Mork its hard to believe that a few minutes ago Arnold was there yelling at them, and now he's back there, quiet as a mouse.

Missing the gleam in Mork's eye when he clarifies that Arnold's only been dead for a few minutes, no one notices when Mork an excited look on his face slips away into the back of the shop where Arnold's body is. After Cora takes Annie home with the intent of staying with her for a few hours, Mindy starts to wonder where Mork has gone, Fred observing he's probably seen a flying saucer and gone off to a reunion. But a jubilant Mork emerges from the back a few seconds later, telling them what 'Lucky Earthlings' they are. Mork tells her they have nothing to be sad about anymore when Mindy suggests he tones the exuberance down...and when Fred reminds him a man has dies, tells him 'A lot you know!' and rushes back to trumpet a fanfare, a bewildered and disheveled Arnold Wanker stumbling out and freaking Fred & Mindy out. Stunned, Mindy stares at Wanker saying he's supposed to be bed, but not anymore Mork beams, having given him a jump start. Fred is flabbergasted that Mork has the ability to resurrect someone, but Mork clarifies it's still a billion to one shot, but the conditions were perfect. Wanker is groggy and out of it, but when Mork brings him around he picks right up where he left off, yelling at Fred that he'll get him to break his lease, if he has to break Fred's legs to do it, before he storms out.

Fred looks back at Mork and wants to get one thing straight, that was a one in a billion shot...he can never do it again? Mork indicates more or less, and Fred yells at him that he wasted it 'On that miserable Rat!?!?!' As Mork tries to defend himself to Fred saying that Wanker was his friend, and Fred tells him he couldn't stand Wanker. Mork looks confused pointing out that Fred was saying such nice things about him. As he does Mindy starts to shuffle away sheepishly seeing what's coming, and about to bite her on the ass, right as her father points out vociferously that he was lying. It only takes Mork a moment to connect that if Fred was lying...so was Mindy. Avoiding eye contact with him, until he directly asks her if she lied, she tries to wiggle out of it, saying she didn't exactly lie, she just didn't tell the truth, and when he asks her what the difference is, she tries to equivocate until she sees his face, and admits there is no difference. As he reminds her that she said lying was bad and told him never to lie or even splink.

Before she can respond, Arnold comes storming back in angry at his wife for having driven off without him. Fred tries to tell him there's a very good reason Anne left, but neither he nor Mindy can come out and say it. Not Mork however, who runs through a range of euphemisms for his having died. When Wanker doesn't believe him, Mindy presses him to think of what he does remember...and he reflects on yelling at Fred, trying to get a 90 year old evicted, then keeps going back through his college schemes, to the lemonade scam in school to catching his babysitter doing something shocking...his life flashing before his eyes. Right! Fred agrees, telling him that was right before he collapsed behind the counter and...Mork steps in to 'trumpet' The Last Post. Wanker calls them all crazy, and accusing them of trying to trick him out of breaking the lease he storms towards the door again, but runs into the Mortician that Fred had called, come to collect 'the loved one' , having arrived to pick up one Arnold Winker, deceased. Arnold Wanker, deceased, he corrects him, only he's not deceased, and intends to stay that way for a long long time, before walking out, this time forgetting about the 10 foot hole he's had dug outside, and falling right in.

The next day at the apartment, together on the couch, Mork & Mindy reflect on how lucky Wanker was only to break both legs and his collar bone in the fault, and how lucky they are that he'll be in traction for months. Mork apologizes for what happened the previous day, but Mindy says its not his fault, she confused him with her speech on lying and splinking. She should have explained about little white lies, that you tell to not hurt someone's feelings, not Wankers in this case, but his wife's. So she stretched the truth...a lot. But as a rule he should always tell the truth. Never lie, he clarifies. Never, she confirms, just before Cora comes in, keen to talk to them. She's been invited to the Grey Panther's Prom next week, and she wants them to see her new dress. Taking off her coat she reveals a quasi Dirndl style print dress, white with oddly shaped red and black flowers, and oddly placed pieces of black lace at the sides. What she's really looking for is a man's opinion and as she moves across the room, Mindy begs Mork to splink like he's never splunk before. Turning to an anticipatory Cora, Mork stands and praises how she looks in a mish mash of Spanish and Italian, kissing her hand, Cora blushing with excitement and happiness.

Mork's report to Orson in repose, until Orson signs in, whereupon Mork takes on the persona of a 1930s/40s excitable radio reporter, complete with hat and mike, only for Orson to demand he just get on with with filing the report. Mork complaining that he's taking all the fun out of it, Mork reports on little white lies, of which there are various sorts. The sport's variety e.g. 'The one that got away', the vanity lie e.g. lying about your age, and the ones to save your bacon, e.g. complimenting someone on their terrible cooking, signing off with Walter Cronkite's 'That's the way it is...here on Earth'

Trivia

Orkan Facts

• The Orkan concept of 'Splinking' is introduced here, which according to Mork is 'telling someone something that isn't true, a practical joke' before pulling the old handshake pull away on Mindy as an example. (*Note in Mork the Prankster, Mork tells Mindy he has no idea about practical jokes.) It is not lying per se, more tricking, and is referred to alongside lying, e.g. lying *and* splinking.
• Mork nostalgically describes Arnold as 'A real Wurble', which as he subsequently calls Mindy the same thing (Mork and the Immigrant) can be taken to mean Kind/Decent person.
• Given the right conditions, Mork has the ability to revive a creature that would be considered dead. Though its still a Billion to One shot. Having done it to a hairless crawling Zabadee on Ork, a higher form of life than a human.

General

• This episode was also written and shot just after the Pilot, with both Robin William's chest hair absent and the dialogue, with Mindy reminding Fred of Mork's name, and the awkwardness with which Fred & Mork circle each other (vs episodes that came before it), indicating that it belongs directly after Mork Moves In (the first episode written and shot), rather than eight episodes after his arrival.
• Mork sits down to his favorite Baloney again, putting a piece of bread between two slices of baloney, and making a similar sandwich for Mindy.
• When Wanker wants to know where the phone is, and Mindy tells him she knows where she'd like it to be...this obviously ran afoul of 'Standards and Practices' (censors), who clearly had an overdub of Fred added saying 'Yeah around his neck' which makes no sense as Fred is in appeasement mode with Wanker, especially as he warns her her attitude is going to get their lights turned off, the very next line.
• Cora was, it appears, something of a wild teen. whatever she was doing while babysitting going well beyond necking, judging both by the blackmail terms and Wankers scandalized recollection.
• Arnold Wanker was supposed to die, but when network executives suggested he have a non-fatal heart attack, the writers got creative.
• Footage of Mork tearing off Cora's earmuffs and being attacked by a sandwich were featured in the opening credits sequence.

Pop Culture

• Mork comes down from the attic singing the 5 note 'theme' from Close Encounters of the Third Kind
• He then immediately tugs on the rope for the stairs calling 'Sanctuary' imitating Quasimodo using the bell pull, in The Hunchback of Notre Dame
• Cora says you need to be a broad jumper to get in the store due to the size of the hole outside. Broad Jumping is the original name for Long Jumping in athletics.
• The word "Wanker" is British slang meaning a man who masturbates, though it's commonly become a more generalized insult. Presumably this was intentional on the part of the crew, who were always trying to sneak things past ABC's censors. Ironically, the episode wound up being censored for some UK airings.
• Mork mangles three 'Cold As...' sayings mashing them into one, "It's as Cold as a....." 'a Witches tit' 'a good Diggers butt in January' 'enough to freeze the balls off a Brass Monkey'.
• Cora says a disco album is "number 18 with a bullet." This is an old American expression referring to the Billboard music chart, which featured bullet symbols in chart entries that have moved from one position to another with notable speed. And also a reference to the song of the same name 'Eighteen with a Bullet' (1975) by Peter Wingfield.
• Fred alludes to Mork as 'Trash Gordon', playing on the classic spacefarer/hero Flash Gordon
• Mork sings an Orkan version of Feelings the 1975 Hit, by Morris Albert
• Mork does an impression of Peter Lorre, while talking guiltily to his sandwich.
• Mork paraphrases General William Sherman's 'War is Hell' with 'Lunch is Hell'
• During one of his manic episodes, Mork mentions the Necrotons, who later showed up in season 2.
• Mork does a brief Oliver Hardy impression with his 'Another fine mess...' when telling Mindy why he splinked her.
• Mindy is suggesting the customer in the store buy Fleetwood Mac's Rumours album when Arnold Wanker storms in.
• Mork ushers a resurrected Arnold out with a quick rendition of the Bee Gees' Stayin' Alive
• Mork signs off from his report with an impersonation of Walter Cronkite and his famous 'That's the way it is..." sign off.

Quotes/Excerpts

• Mork: Why are you wearing that rubber coat?
  Mindy: Oh, this is a raincoat, it keeps my clothes dry.
• Mork: Why not leave your clothes here and go out naked?
• Mindy: I don't think so. I never know when I might have to demonstrate the accordion.

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• Mork: Do you mind if I go to the store with you today? I'm observing the leader of the dogs.
  Mindy: What leader of the dogs?
• Mork: The red leader in the front of the store. The short one with the four bumps that hangs around the curb.
• Mindy: Oh! That's the fire hydrant! That's not the leader of the dogs!
• Mork: Then why do they all salute him?

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• Mindy: It's freezing in here!
• Mork: Yeah its colder than a Witch Diggers Brass Monkey

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• Fred: Can't I feel the ion ratio?! *looks over at Mork* Ahhh...you've been talking to Trash Gordon again.
• Mindy: His name is Mork and he happens to be able to understand a lot of things we can't even understand yet!
• Fred: *looks at what Mork is listening to with his headphones on* Yeah...apparently he's dancing to a sound effects record.

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• Mindy: Dad was just telling me what a rotten kid Arnold Wanker used to be
• Cora: Oh yes, Dreadful. I babysat him when he was five and he blackmailed me for all my babysitting money.
• Fred: Did he catch you necking with your boyfriend on the couch?
• Cora: No, that would have only cost me half the money.
• Mindy: Half the money? *smirks* Grandma, what were you doing?
• Fred: She was probably supplying illegal drugs to civil war soldiers.
• Cora: Oh, why don't you go sit on your Schubert?

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• Mindy: Grandma, how come you know so much about disco?
  Cora: I know everything. I'm old.

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• Mindy: Now, you have gotta start acting more human!
  Mork: But I was! I saw a Laurel and Hardy movie where Laurel splinked Hardy, then Hardy went, "There's another fine mess...hmm" *does Hardy's finger thrust* Then he threw a bucket of water on Hardy.
• Mindy: Laurel and Hardy aren't human! I mean they were human, but...

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• Mork: I didn't think you'd mind getting wet!
• Mindy: Look at me, I'm dripping! My clothes are soggy and my skin is all wet! I hate getting wet! *beat* I'm gonna go take a shower!!

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• Mork: *following after Mindy contritely* But I made a sandwich for you! *she glares at him and slams the bedroom door* It's untouched by human hands?

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• Arnold Wanker: I've got to use the phone! Where is it?!
• Mindy: Oh I know where I'd like it to be.

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• Cora: Why is it the young always die good?

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• Fred: Arnold Wanker was one in an million
• Mindy: He was a beautiful man
• Mork: He was a real Wurble.
• Fred: He was an inspiration
• Annie Wanker: He was an angel!
• Cora: He is now.

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• Annie Wanker: Thank you Mindy, you really cared about him didn't you?
• Mindy: Oh...well...well I think I'm safe in saying that Dad, Grandma and I all felt the same way about him.

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• Cora: *about Annie* I'll stay with her for a few hours. It's the least I can do.
• Fred: Yeah, poor woman.
• Cora: Yeah
• Fred: Her only mistake was in marrying an idiot.
• Cora: Yes. Anybody can make that mistake. My own daughter did.

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• Mork: Then you lied too.
• Mindy: *nervously* Oh...I didn't exactly lie, I just didn't exactly tell the truth.
• Mork: What's the difference?
• Mindy: Well the difference is lying is lying, and not telling the truth is *sees his confused expression, cringes* ...lying. You're right, I lied.

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• Mindy: But I really would've hurt his wife's feelings if I'd told the truth. So I just sort of bent it a little.
• Mork: A little?!
• Mindy: Alright I stretched it a LOT.
• Mork: Ah I see, so on Earth the truth gets a lot of exercise.

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• Cora: *about her dress* Oh do you really like it?!
• Mork: Huevos rancheros, amigos!

Image Gallery

Cast

Starring:

• Robin Williams as Mork
• Pam Dawber as Mindy McConnell
• Elizabeth Kerr as Cora Hudson
• Conrad Janis as Frederick McConnell
• Jeffrey Jacquet as Eugene
• Ralph James as Orson

Guest starring

• Logan Ramsey as Arnold Wanker
• Fay DeWitt as Annie Wanker
• Jeremy West as Funeral Home Attendant
• Stu Silver as Paramedic