Alas, Poor Mork, We Knew Him Well

"Alas, Poor Mork, We Knew Him Well"
Season 3, Episode #9 (#60) in series (95 episodes)
A scaremongering insurance salesman puts the frighteners on Mork when trying to sell him a policy, causing an increasingly fearful Mork to spiral into withdrawing from life.
"Mork & Mindy" episode
Guest Star(s):	Will Porter Robert Donner Bebo
Network:	ABC-TV
Production code:	309 (3x9)
Writer(s)	Steve Kreinberg & Andrew Guerdat
Director	Howard Storm
Original airdate	January 8, 1981
IMDB	Alas, Poor Mork, We Knew Him Well
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Alas, Poor Mork, We Knew Him Well was the ninth episode in the third season of Mork and Mindy, also the 60th overall episode in the series. Co-written by Steve Kreinberg and Andy Guerdat, the episode, which was directed by Howard Storm, originally aired on ABC-TV on January 8, 1981.

Synopsis

As Mork and Mindy prep for a trip to Yellowstone a fearmongering life insurance salesman makes Mork so paranoid about his safety, that no matter what Mindy says, he withdraws more and more from life.

Plot

In the Apartment, Mork is in full imaginative flow, working in the kitchen which has become the bridge of the Calypso as he as Jacques Cousteau explores the seas, his crew arguing with him as he wants to send them into the water in search of the Great White. Instead they find Erik Estrada's stand in, a pair of chattering teeth. He's interrupted by the arrival of literal cowboy door to door life insurance salesman Ernest Travers, of Pike's Peaks Calamity & Auto, who tells Mork this is his lucky day, and immediately starts to petrify the Orkan with statistics on fires, natural disasters, hospitalizations, illness and how much he needs to be insured. And he can be for 'a few measly pennies a day'. By the time he pulls out the papers from his case, Mork is almost signing before he can put them down. Fortunately at the same time, Mindy returns home.

Interrupted by Mork rushing to greet her, Travers follows him pen and paper in hand, pushing them into Mork's hands. Mindy immediately suspicious of the stranger, wants to know who Mork's 'new friend' is, and snatches the paper out of Mork's hand before he has a chance to sign it, advising him that he should know what he's signing before he signs it. Mork snatches it back however, telling her he might go belly up between the O and R, but she takes it back again telling him he really can't afford insurance. As the tug of war continues as he tells her it only costs a few measly pennies, the ones with President Measly on them. Snatching it from him again, Mindy looks at Travers and asks him directly just how *many* measly pennies?

He tries to give her the spiel about putting a price on coverage like this, but all he gets from her is 'how much'? He tells her 300 a month, and snatches the policy from her and hands it to Mork, before she snatches it from Mork again and tells Travers Mork doesn't have any money, whereupon he snatches the policy from her, thanks them for their time and heads out the door, despite Mork going after him saying he can't just leave after scaring the bejeebies out of him, but he does, leaving a fretful Mork turning to Mindy.

She tells him there's nothing to be worried about, the guy was just using scare tactics on him, and Mork says they worked! As he's worrying that there's something awful outside the door, she tells him and there's nothing outside the door that wasn't there the night before .Trying to distract him, she switches the topic to their upcoming trip to Yellowstone, and making a checklist of what they need, telling him he's going to love the park this time of year. Figuring this time is winter, he asks won't they freeze, but she tells him they'll be in a nice warm lodge...unless, he thinks, it gets too warm and burns down. Reminding him that they've been planning this trip for weeks with Nelson and Glenda, she asks him does he really want to disappoint them? When he says maybe she suggests the salesman has made him paranoid, and if he thinks about it logically what could possibly happen to him. Feeling she's right he tries to think about it logically, then comes up with the scenario that as he's so cute and cuddly a grizzly bear might want a cute little Morky Doll to take to bed to hibernate with. Fear starting to get the better of him he curls up in Mindy's lap for security.

A while later at Da Vinci's, Jeanie carries out Mork and Mr. Bickley's lunch to the table but there's no sign of Mork, who is off calling the weather service, in Yokohama to see if a tidal wave was headed for Boulder. Remo asks the returning Mork if he's okay, as compared to his usual level of strangeness, and he tells him about a van that swerved and hit a wall a block from where he was making his phone call, a spot he was standing in a month ago, so if it hadn't been for December he'd be dead. Remo backing off the anxiety ridden Orkan, leaves Mork to return to his table where he snuggles up to Bickley telling him he feels safe there. But Bickley doesn't make things better talking about the pollution in the air, and all the new health reports saying there's something dangerous in the food, and even the plates in the restaurant could be covered in toxic lead based paint. Before Remo can stop him Mork fires a plate out the door of the restaurant, only for Exidor to enter claiming the world is at an end. Mork moves to him asking about what he just said, and Mork holds up the plate that Mork just fired out the door as an asteroid from the Melmac galaxy that hit him on the head, and tells Mork the world will end at 4pm that day, and they head out to say goodbye.

Back in the apartment, Mork shows Mindy his shopping cart full of supplies. Looking at it, Mindy wonders if he's not a little overprepared for a simple trip to Yellowstone, only for him to reply 'What trip?' he is staying here. Everything he has in the cart is designed to deal with the most outrageous of calamties including shark attacks, black holes and fried chicken assaults. He's also prepared for famine pestilence and fire. When she points out he's forgotten the every popular flood, he pulls out the inflatable dinghy he intends to use as Morko's Ark, and the audition process he has planned for the animals to come on board. Mindy however, merely seems amused and supremely confident that he is coming on this trip with her. As she heads to the door to go out and buy hiking boots, he asks why she's so confident and she tells him he's forgotten one important statistic. That more accidents happen in the home then anywhere else, and therefore, he will be safer with her, then in the apartment. Mindy chirpily heads out and Mork frets that he's not safe anywhere. When Mindy gets back with her boots later that evening however, the place is in darkness and all the lights are out, Mork calling that he couldn't reach the switch. When she turns the lights on she sees Mork in a hermetically sealed glass cage, with one of her chairs, a lampstand and some supplies. Openmouthed she wants to know what that is, and he tells her its a survival condo, that he's finally found a place where he's safe and he's never coming out of his 'womb with a view'.

A little while later, Mork wants to know what she thinks of his creation, but all she wants to know is where he'd get a crazy idea like this. He answers it's not crazy it's an Orkan creation from when they had a swine flu epidemic, stopping pigs from bouncing on them. She tells him he can't stay in there forever, but he doesn't see why not, he's got supplies for 9 or 10 bleems and he's finally safe, he suggests she could get one too, or better yet come in share his with him. But she says she's out here and she's alright and everyone is exposed to what he's afraid of, and asks him can't he see what's happening to him? They argue over whether he's safe or cut off, until Mork puts his hand on the glass saying they still have each other, and Mindy pointedly put's her hand against his...the glass clearly separating them...and she walks away, Mork realizing that something has finally come between them.

In Da Vinci's, Jeanie is chatting with Nelson & Glenda asking if they're still planning on heading to Yellowstone the next day, and wishing she could go with them. Glenda mentions that Mindy told her she shouldn't bring her bikini with her, but Nelson avidly disagrees, taking her hands. Jeanie eyes them wondering if the pair of them are becoming an item, and while Nelson nods, Glenda says no, deflating him. Remo yells for his sister to come fix the freezer again, and heads off to fix the motor, as Nelson jokily tries to convince Glenda that he'd be happy with a one piece bathing suit, Mindy comes in to join them, and on Nelson's query about Mork changing his mind about the trip or still being holed up in his humidor, she says yes to the last part and sits glumly thinking he's never coming out. She apologizes as she thinks the trip is going to unravel, and Nelson pokes fun telling her yes it's wrecked...talking it through with them, she tells them she's tried everything, but Glenda suggests that maybe she's paying *too much* attention to him, and Mindy blinks, a light bulb coming on. She agrees, and thinks if he wants isolation she'll give him isolation, Nelson suggesting that they'll *all* give him isolation, and which Mindy comes up with a plan and asks if they come over to hers at 8 that night, feeling its time to fight bizarre with bizarre.

At 8pm that night, Mindy is dressed up and in the kitchen when the doorbell goes. Mork goes to answer it and ends up smacking his face off the glass walls of his box. Mindy welcomes an equally dressed up Glenda and Nelson both of whom are carrying refreshments, and telling Mindy it's a wonderful idea she's had. A going away party for Mork. which Mork gets excited about until Mindy corrects, saying it's actually a 'gone away' party. Nelson bemoans the fact that he had to go, Mork being so much fun at parties. Mork starts to notice they're not engaging with him, and says he's still there and still fun at parties. But they ignore him and start to get the refreshments organized, Mindy opening the door again as Mr. Bickley arrives, carrying an RIP wreath which Mindy makes sure to hold up for Mork to see, before putting it down resting against his shelter. As Mork starts to yell and make Semaphore signs that he's still here, Bickley comments to Mindy how quiet it is without Mork, and Mindy agrees saying it got some getting used to but life goes on. They pass around the punch that Glenda brought and reminisce about Mork, with Nelson noting no one can take his memories of Mork away from him, Glenda regretting she never found out what Shazbot meant, Mr. Bickley reading a poem he composed about missing him, but hoping he gets Mork's clothes.

As Mork starts to 'miss himself' he calls out to Mindy that the Joke is over. But she stands to say her own piece about him, recalling how unique and special he was, and Mork calls to her that he's still alive, he's still right there. Turning sharply back to him, she asks, is he? Laying it on the line for him she tells him he's not protecting himself he's cutting himself off from everything that makes life worth living, and tells him she's going to miss him, saying goodbye before turning away back to the others, her look to them hopeful that's enough. And it is. Mork tells her he already misses her, and doesn't want to give up on life, he wants to live again, and he kicks out one of the panels of the shelter, and clambers out, raising his arms in a victory dance as they watch and laugh, before he proclaims what are they waiting for, they are going on that trip to Yellowstone. Clasping hands with Nelson and Glenda, reminding her to bring her tennis racket so they have something to do in the car on the journey, he apologizes to Bickley that he can't have his clothes, but Bickley says he was just going to cut them down for his dog anyway. Gathering up their stuff they head out with Bickley telling Mindy & Mork to keep it quiet up here, and leaving them alone.

Looking at one another silently, Mork gradually puts up a hand like he did before, and stepping towards him, Mindy puts her hand up to meet his, no barrier between them now, joining their other hands too and hugging. Mork telling her that that feels better than any security in the whole world. She asks him to remember one thing, that no matter how weird life gets you just have to keep on living, look at the alternative. He agrees it's a nice place to visit but he wouldn't want to live there, not without her. Touched, she goes to kiss him, only for him to pull back and tell her, no kissing and to watch out for Mr Mono. As she turns away and rolls her eyes in exasperation, he pulls her back grinning, and kisses her.

When Mork tunes in for his report to Orson he is jitterbugging happily with Bebo, Orson demanding ot know what he's doing, to which Mork replies celebrating life, tripping the life fantastic. Orson didn't think life on Earth was that great . Mork replies that it has it's share of dangers, but many of them are blown out of all proportion The point he is trying to make is that many Earthlings can move any point they want, using statistics. He gives the example of many newspapers saying how many people have died, but not talking about how many have lived. Orson wants to know if Mork is suggesting that people should live their lives oblivious to the dangers around them, but Mork says no, but if that's all they're looking for that's all they're going to see. And they spend their entire life worrying about their entire lives. This week he says his Earthling friends taught him a lesson he will never forget, that the greatest gift is the gift of life, and the greatest sin is to return it un-opened.

Trivia

Orkan 'Facts'

• Mork asks Mindy don't people freeze their Klarns off in winter? An Orkan word he tells Glenda he'll also explain to her if she notices he's alive when they're giving his eulogy. Klarn being the Orkan word for ass (and will be mentioned again in S4's Cheerleaders in Chains)

General

• This is actor/writer Will Porters second appearance (after Yes Sir, That's My Baby) in the show, and after playing the baby kidnapper who tries to sell Mork a child, the second time playing a dubious character that completely turns Mork's life on his head.
• The edit cut the moment after Mork puts on the lamp shade to get their attention, to Mindy taking the refreshments, indicates from the type of audience reaction still going on that there was another fairly cutting line there originally as they are still in 'ooooo' mode.
• The Insurance Company Ernest Travers works for Pike's Peaks Calamity & Auto, is a jokey reference to Pike's Peak in Colorado Springs, not far from Boulder, which has an incredibly scenic driving route, that carries a reputation for being quite dangerous, and on which there has been several accidents over the decades, including in the 70s.
• Though we don't see Mr. Bickley's dog, Bicky, he gets a mention when Bickley tells Mork he only wanted his clothes for his dog.

Pop Culture

• Mork is in full aquatic explorer Jacques Cousteau aboard the Calypso mode as the episode opens, Cousteau through is specials world renowned and even John Denver, Colorado poet laureate having written a song Calypso about life on board his famous boat
• Erik Estrada's 'stand in' is a pair of teeth, Estrada's smile being one of the brightest on TV at the time.
• Mork is hopeful his lucky day means David Brenner won't be hosting the Tonight Show. Brenner, a stand up comedian was The Tonight Show's most frequent guest. Notably David Brenner is also one of the comedians who supposedly accused Robin Williams of joke theft in the 1970s/80s.
• When Ernest tells him the Tornado of 47 screwed his granny right into the ground, Mork says 'Mondo Irwin Allen!' Irwin Allen, apart from being responsible for shows like Lost In Space, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, and The Time Tunnel was *the* Disaster Movie Producer of the 1970s, behind top of the line movies like The Towering Inferno and The Poseidon Adventure.
• Mork calls Mindy Princess Hokum when she points out he's forgotten to prepare for flood. Hokum being a what show runners do when they want to elicit a desired response from their audience...but Mork is prepared for that.
• Mork tells Mindy he got the plans for his shelter from Better Homes & Shelter, opposed to Better Homes & Garden.
• Nelson quotes lines from the George & Ira Gershwin song 'They Can't Take That Away From Me' in his reminiscences about Mork.

Quotes/Excerpts

• Ernest: Today, Mr Mork is....your lucky day, do you wanna know why?
• Mork: Por que? Is David Brenner not hosting the Tonight show?!

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• Ernest: Do you realize that 1 out of 4 people get hospitalized every year?
• Mork: *horrified* What is this some kind of set up for a sick joke?!

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• Mork: Mind I gotta have this in case Meatloaf falls on me I don't want to end up as a hamburger helper!
• Mindy: *snatches the policy from him again* Yes but, Mork....!
• Ernest: Trust me! Trust me Friend! Now your health and welfare is our only concern.
• Mindy: He doesn't have any money!
• Ernest: *snatches policy from Mindy* Thank you very much and goodbye!

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• Remo: Mork, mork are you alright I mean compared to your normal level of strangeness
• Mork: I don't know the day is but a fetus. I almost met Mr Reaper and it was really grim!
• Remo: What happened?
• Mork: Well, i was outside making a phone call, and a block away a van swerved and hit a wall!
• Remo: What has that to do with you?
• Mork: Well a month ago I was at that exact same spot! If it wasn't for December I'd be decomposing right now just like Mozart!

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• Remo: *about Exidor* Do you believe this guy?
• Jeanie: Well I've seen Chameleons with a better grasp on reality.

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• Mork: I've prepared for every calamity imaginable! Look at this I have a snake bite kit! I have shark repellent ewww ick ick ick! A fog horn. A mosquito net!
• Mindy: Mork?
• Mork: *keeps going* Your Highway flares, don't stop me know Mind I'm on a roll. I've got a pen light in case we fall into a black hole *holds it up* Watch out there! *does signing with it* Hello? Help me now, help me now! And some handwipes in case we get attacked by a flock of fried chicken!
• Mindy: *pulls him back gently* There's almost no chance we're going to fall into a black hole. And only a 50/50 chance we're going to be attacked by fried chicken.

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• Mindy: See, I'm going to ignore all this. I'm going to go to the store and buy some hiking boots. *turns to look back at him* And you are coming with me on that trip!
• Mork: Why?
• Mindy: Well you've overlooked one vital statistic.*smugly* The statistics say that more accidents happen in the home then anywhere else...sooo...think of how much safer you'll be with me in Yellowstone. *takes her coat and bag, looks back at him with a smile and in a Bickley fashion sing-songs* Ha ha haaaaa!

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• Mork: I'm not safe out there. I'm not safe in here. I'm not safe anywhere. *whimpers* I want my test tube.

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• Mindy: Don't you see what's happening to you?
• Mork: Yes, I'm protected!
• Mindy: You're paranoid!
• Mork: I'm invulnerable!
• Mindy: You're untouchable.
• Mork: I'm safe.
• Mindy: You're alone.
• Mork: I'm afraid
• Mindy: I'm afraid too Mork. I'm afraid for you.
• Mork: Well....*puts his hand on glass* we've still got each other, huh?
• *Mindy puts her hand on the far side of the glass separating them her look meaningful before she walks away and looks back at him*
• Mork: *forlorn* I guess something's finally come between us, huh?

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• Nelson: I'm sure gonna miss that little tyke. Sure he was strange. *holds out his glass of punch, Mork tries to lick it through the glass* But that...that was his charm. I'm gonna miss, his laugh *holds out the punch again, and Mork tries again* That certain Ahrr....Ahrr. I'm going to miss the way he wore his suspenders. The way he wore his hat.
• Mork: What hat?
• Nelson: The way he sang off key.
• Mork: That's it! That's it!
• Nelson: The memory of all that. No no they cant' take that away from me. *lifts his glass again and Mork makes one more attempt* Cheers! *they all take a sip of their punch*
• Mork: Oh wait...if Rod Serling walks through the door I'm gonna hatch a brick. I know I am!

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• Mindy: There's something I'd like to say. The Mork we all knew and love is no longer with us. He was so full of life. I remember one time when i asked him to change a 100wattt light bulb. He ran to the corner and brought back two 25s and a 50. He used to spend hours trying to teach a tub of margarine to say...butter. He was the only guy I knew who would really give you a penny for your thoughts. Oh he was so special.
• Mork: Oh Min...*watches as she goes back to touch her glass to the others* ....wait a minute. Mind I'm still alive!! I'm alive! I'm right here!!
• Mindy: *turns back to him sharply* Are you Mork? People who are alive don't shut themselves off from the world. You're not protecting yourself from harm, you're...you're closing yourself off from everything that makes life worth living. *gazes at him solemnly* I'm gonna miss you Mork, Goodbye. *turns away from him, gives the others a look*

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Image Gallery

Cast

Starring

• Robin Williams as Mork
• Pam Dawber as Mindy McConnell
• Crissy Wilzak as Glenda Faye Comstock
• Ralph James as Voice of Orson
• Gina Hecht as Jeanie DaVinci
• Conrad Janis as Fred McConnell (credited only)
• Tom Poston as Mr. Bickley
• Jim Staahl as Nelson Flavor
• Jay Thomas as Remo DaVinci

Guest starring/Recurring cast

• William Porter as Ernest Travers
• Robert Donner as Exidor
• Gregg Berger (Voice) as Bebo